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Shanti's blog......Part 2

Updated: Mar 18

If you're just starting out, please read "My Many Things, But Rarely Boring Transgender Life...So Far" before picking up here. Thanks!

Above: Srimati Radharani...Krsna's eternal consort.

Some extra things AND initiation….

Three other instances of importance happened during this same time period. In the winter of 2009-2010, I was asked to attend the Southern Comfort Conference board of directors (BOD) retreat. I had not been involved with the conference since I resigned from the BOD in 2001. I had felt that I had kept my promise to AnnaStacia by helping others and, as I mentioned earlier, I just wanted to live life now. Since I was no longer in my relationship with Lesa, I decided to attend the meeting and see what they wanted. There were mostly new faces there that I didn’t know. It turns out that Lola Cola, who was the acting treasurer, wanted to step down and she had recommended me as someone the BOD could trust with the conference’s finances. I was assured that all I would to do would be to sign the checks and keep the QuickBooks account. I was heavily flattered and, like the sap I am, I accepted. Within two months I was back on the BOD and that would continue for the next nine years! I got to endure five years of being named as a plaintiff in a lawsuit by a disgruntled doctor who thought he was above the rules of the conference, was one of the people who voted to move the conference from Atlanta to Ft. Lauderdale (a decision I stand by to this day), which drew the ire of many in the trans community, and who, for the last few years of my tenure, was one of only two people who kept that conference going until we finally found a couple of wonderful people who agreed to take over. So, finally, I was once again finished with my duties to The Southern Comfort Transgender Conference. I have many, MANY more great memories than bad ones and I’m proud of the service I was able to for the trans community. I met so many amazing people: Kate Bornstein, Jazz Jennings and her amazing family, Isabella Santiago (perhaps the most gorgeous human being that I’ve ever met!), Les Feinberg, Robert Eads, Sarah McBride, Jaye McBride (no relation to Sarah), Jim Bridges, Kristen Beck, just to name some. Also, the opportunity to work alongside and learn from Terry Murphy, Sabrina Marcus, Holly Boswell, Lola Cola, and all the other people who were such an important part of making the conference happen. I’ll always be so grateful for that opportunity and I thank you all for all you taught me!

Above: Me (left) playing with Murari Band

The next significant event that happened was in December of 2010. I got a call from Balabhadra prabhu, who I was seeing on a weekly basis since returning to the temple. He asked me if I still had my bass guitar. I told him that I did, but I had picked it up MAYBE twice in the past 7 years for a total of a couple of hours. He said that I had better dust it off because he and Murari Band wanted me to come over and jam with them. I was truly flabbergasted! I had been a fan of Murari Band since 1987 and now I was going to get to jam with them!!! To say that I was nervous is a huge understatement, but there I was with Balabhadra, Hasyagrami, and Naradi...all Prabhupada disciples who had been devotees for about 40 years! Here I was...this person who had done everything she could do to AVOID Krishna Consciousness for 21 years before returning in Nov. of 2009. Yeah...I was very intimidated. I had no idea what to expect, but had always prided myself on the fact that I picked up songs quickly. I never took any lessons, and knew nothing about the technical side of music, but I trusted my gut and inherited my father’s good ear for music. We started playing and within five minutes the fingers on my left hand were killing me! I had lost all the callouses that I used to have and pressing down on the fat bass strings HURT!!!! When we finished jamming they asked me if I wanted to join the band. Of course, I jumped at the chance! These were all SUPERB musicians and it was going to force me to step up my game if I was going to be able to hang with them. Also, to have such close association with three Prabhupada disciples was just amazing! They knew so much and I knew nothing, so it was a great opportunity to learn for them all. Also, Hasyagrami prabhu started calling me a nickname that I love and hold extremely dear. Pretty much from the beginning, he called me “Shanti K”. I cherish that nickname and the time I got to spend with him before he left his body. Though the line-up has changed several times since I joined Murari Band, the band continues with Balabhadra prabhu leading the way. As of this writing (July 26, 2020), we are in the process of recording music and I still love playing in this band! You can check out some demos and videos at Because of playing with the caliber of musicians that I do I felt the urge to expand my playing which led me to put out a social media post about anyone looking for a bass player/vocalist and that led to my joining Exquisite Gender ...but I’m getting ahead of myself.

The last significant event that happened to me happened in summer of 2009. I got a call from a friend of mine and she asked me if I had ever thought of getting any other tattoos. She knew that I had one tattoo of a koala on my outer right calf. I asked her why and she said that her daughter was apprenticing as a tattoo artist and needed people to learn her craft. Now, it’s one thing to pose for a painting by someone studying art, but it’s entirely something else to have that painting be done on your body with permanent ink. However, I trusted Terri and agreed. At this point of her tattooing, her daughter, Kylie, was only allowed to use black ink, so I chose an Ohm symbol and decided that it would be done on my lower back. These are also known to laymen as “tramp stamps”. I got in touch with Kylie and made the appointment. Terri, her mom, went with me. It hurt like hell, but she did a great job and that began a relationship that continues to this day. These days, Kylie Greene is one of the very, very talented tattoo artists at Only You Tattoo in Atlanta and she has done almost 60 tattoos on my body, which translates to well over 100 hours of tattooing. I can honestly say that I’m close to being finished, but I still have a few more that I want Kylie to do. I’m happy to share some of her amazing work with you all.

Above: The amazing masterpiece that is my back! Srimati Radharani (c), Lalita, and Vishaka.

Above: The Divine Couple - Krsna and Radharani

Above: This lovely fellow adorns my left knee.

Above: Srimati Vrinda devi

Above: I have a matching tattoos on the tops of my feet.

Above: This beautiful lion is on my right knee.

Above: Sri Sri Gaura Nitai (Lord Caitanya and Lord Nityananda)

Ok. Back to our story. After taking shelter in June of 2010, I continued going to the temple each Sunday, speaking with Poonam almost daily, playing in Murari Band, and going to home programs. I was keeping extremely busy! On more than one occasion I can remember driving home late at night and I knew that my eyes were open, but everything would start to fade to black. I had several very scary experiences. I’m not one of those people who believes that you can just do anything that you want and Krsna (God) will protect you. I believe that He gave us all brains to use to NOT continuously keep putting ourselves in dangerous situations. I finally started learning to say, “No.” to some home program invitations and I will now stop and take an hour nap in a 24 hour store parking lot if I feel myself getting too tired. I highly recommend that you all do that, too!

One thing about Krsna Consciousness is that there are a LOT of holidays! It seems as if there’s something to celebrate almost weekly! Let you tell you something about Hare Krsna devotees, we know how to have a good time!!! The combination of incredibly exciting, energetic kirtans, ecstatic dancing, and incredibly delicious prasadam (spiritualized food), you can’t help but have a wonderful time! So many times I’ve experienced a “prasadam high” where you just can’t stop giggling and smiling. I can only speak from personal experience, but it’s very real and loads of fun when it happens. Keeping as busy as I did, time passed fairly quickly and, in May of 2011, Poonam graduated high school! She went to one of the most prestigious high schools in the state and I was honored that she invited me to her graduation, since it was invitation only and tickets were limited. As a graduation present, her parents were taking her and her younger brother, Sujay, to India for the summer. They would leave right after the Panihati Festival, which is when I was going to take….initiation.

Can I really do this? Mind you, every single day I wondered if I was really cut out to be an initiated devotee. Remember, I would be taking vows (not unlike a monk or nun) to chant a minimum of 16 rounds per day of the Maha Mantra each day (Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krsna, Krsna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare). That’s 16 words chanted as manta a minimum of 1728 times. Or, breaking it down further, that’s chanting the 16 words 27,648 times every day and I had promised myself that I would chant at least one extra round for my Guru Maharaja’s health. I know some people who are fast chanters, but for me, this takes about 2 hours 45 minutes to 3 hours. That’s a HUGE commitment! I would also be vowing to follow the four regulative principles. I mentioned them earlier. You get major points if you remember them: No meat eating (including eggs, onion, mushrooms, and garlic), No illicit sex, No intoxicants, and No gambling (even to try to get out the habit of saying things like, “I bet it’s going to rain today.”).

Above: His Holiness Jayapataka Swami dancing in an ecstatic kirtan on the day of my initiation.

Finally, the day was here….June 4th, 2011. Unfortunately, my mom wasn’t able to attend. It would have been much too long a day for her in her physical condition, but Poonam was going to be there as well as Kathleen, Geoff and his wife Kelli, and Celi. Of course, my devotee family would be there, too. Unlike 2010, when I expected to take shelter, then was told that I should take initiation and, ultimately, ended up taking shelter, which led to an incredibly chaotic day, this time I KNEW that I would be taking initiation (if I could make myself go through with it), so I was hoping that no surprises would be sprung on me. I took my written test in the morning, then had my oral interview. After that, I really didn’t know what to do and was just getting more and more nervous. It was then that I met an amazing devotee...Kalasudha devi dasi. I was hanging around in the Guest House, which is next to the temple and where my Guru Maharaj (GM) was staying. Kalasudha had actually done the verbal exam for several of us at the same time. Afterwards, she asked me if I was doing anything. I told her that I wasn’t and she asked me if I could help in the kitchen of the guest house. It turns out that she was my Guru Maharaj’s cook. She and her husband lived in Houston, but whenever my GM travelled in the US, she would travel with him since she knew how to prepare his special diet. She was so humble and I knew immediately that she was a very advanced devotee. She could sense how nervous I was so she pretended that she really needed help to prepare GM’s lunch. Of course, she didn’t, but I didn’t know that and she really made me feel as if I was helping her out of a jam! What she did served two purposes: 1. It’s a great honor to assist in the preparation of your guru’s meal and 2. It kept my mind off of being so nervous about initiation! Did I mention that she’s also brilliant! :-) I will never forget that day with her. It was extremely special and I’m forever grateful to her for being so kind and compassionate to me.

The last thing you do, paperwork-wise, is to fill out a form with all of your contact information for GM’s staff to get you on the disciple list so that they can keep in touch with you. The last line was a question. It asked, “Do you have any special request for a spiritual name or is there a lila (pastime) that you would like your name chosen from?” I thought to myself that it would be incredibly presumptuous of me to request anything from GM, so I just wrote, “I humbly request that GM choose my spiritual name as he sees fit.”

I got to spend some time with my friends who had come and then it was time to get started. I remember looking at Geoff and thinking, “Am I really never going to toss back a Schumacher Method with him ever again?” I mean, Geoff and I had been through SO MUCH together and had partied time and time again. Then I looked at Celi and thought to myself that it’s quite possible that I’ll never be in another relationship again. Was I willing to take that chance? Then I looked at Kathleen. I knew that she didn’t believe in any of this “spiritual stuff”, yet here she was supporting me and telling me that she was proud of me. Of course, Poonam was there and she had been absolutely integral to my being here today. She was directing some of the younger kids in a play under the big tent, but promised she’d be in the temple in time for my initiation.

Above: The fire sacrifice begins.

Above: Preparing for the fire sacrifice.

Part of the initiation ceremony is a fire sacrifice. They actually set up the sacrificial pit right in the temple room. It’s the first weekend of June in Atlanta, GA and the temple is completely packed (standing room only) with people. Yeah. It gets hot!!! There were about 20 of us who were taking initiation. I knew some of the devotees, but others had travelled in from all over the US for this opportunity. Jayapataka Swami’s travel was limited by his health, so this would be the only chance for devotees to take initiation for at least one year. I forget who spoke first, but one prabhu spoke about the importance and seriousness of taking initiation. My mind was racing a million miles an hour and I kept looking around for Poonam. Where was she?! I couldn’t bear to think that she would get tied up with the play and not make it in! My heart was pounding. What was just said? Did I miss something? Oh Krsna! Is this really happening! Looked around again. Still no Poonam. Fire sacrifice began. Lots of prayers said and lots of grain thrown into the fire. Of course, the people sitting behind you always throw grain in your hair, but you just have to deal with it! Fire sacrifice finished. Still no Poonam!!! Guru Maharaj comes in and one of his assistants has all of the beads that GM had chanted on that he would now be giving us after we took our vows and he gave us our spiritual name. Still no Poonam!!! I was now panicking!!! I wasn’t the first name called, but I was one of the first. As I heard my name, Stefanie Schumacher, being called out on the PA system, my heart skipped a beat. I got up (not easy to do when the temple is so crowded) and, as I looked behind me, there was Poonam smiling! She had made it! Ok….deep breath. I got to GM and bowed down to pay my obeisances. Then I was on my knees looking at him as he asked me what the four regulative principles were. I responded and he asked me if I vowed to keep them. I did. Then he asked me if I promised him to help spread Srila Prabupada’s Krsna Consciousness movement. I did. He asked me if I vowed to chant at least 16 rounds per day...every day. I said, “Yes, Guru Maharaj.” Now...mind you...up to this point I’ve heard everything my GM has said to me crystal clearly, ok? Then, he took the beads that I had given him to chant on and he said (and this is EXACTLY what I heard), “Your spiritual name is blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Now go pay obeisances to Srila Prabhupada.” I bowed once more, then started getting up. The assistant on the PA system announces all the names so everyone can hear them. I’ll hear my name when he does that. So I stand up to make my way to Srila Prabhupada’s murti (statue) and I hear, “BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH!!” and the entire temple room erupts in cheers! Poonam is smiling at me with tears in her eyes. We shared a look and she said how proud she was of me. Ok. I’m initiated, but I have NO IDEA what my spiritual name is!!!!

Above: You will NEVER see me look more serious (and a little frightened) as when I was taking my vows.

Above: Taking my vows and receiving my spiritual name....that I didn't hear! :-)

I went back to take my seat on the floor behind the fire pit and a very nice devotee, Mother Rati, leaned over and said to me, “That’s such a beautiful name.” I said, “Oh! You know what it is? Would you mind telling me?!!” She said, “Shanti Keshavi devi dasi. Do you know what it means?” I replied, “I have no clue!” She said, “It means the peaceful servant of Radharani”. I thanked her and started thinking, “How did my GM know that, ever since my first day in the temple, I’ve always been most drawn to Srimati Radharani?” I never said anything to him about it. To this day, I’ve never met another devotee with the same spiritual name and I am complimented on the beauty of my name all the time. So here I was...all initiated and now, Poonam was going to be leaving for India in the next couple of days. I didn’t know what I was going to do without our daily calls. I relied on her so much! She told me that I’d be fine, but to remember to be aware of Maya and how I had now declared war on her by taking initiation. I wouldn’t see Poonam for one month until I arrived in Mumbai, India for my very first trip to that incredibly spiritual land. It was an unbelievable 11 days on the ground there! So much happened, but that will have to wait for next time. :-)

My first trip to India...part one...

Above: Me with Kanchan (Poonam's mom), Poonam, and Sujay in Panihati.

Above: I was SO happy to see Poonam again!

I missed Poonam tremendously, but finally the last several weeks went by and it was now time for my first trip to India! The plan was to fly from Atlanta to Mumbai, where I’d meet up with Poonam and her family. We’d then fly to Kolkata and be driven to Panihati, where a senior god-brother of mine held a 9 day festival each year and he was kind enough to let us stay at his house. Since the Atlanta temple is named New Panihati Dham, I was excited to see the actual place that it was named after. After a few days in Panihati, we would travel by taxi to Mayapur, the appearance of Lord Caitanya, who Vaishnava devotees recognize as the most recent incarnation of Krishna. While there we would do a day trip to Ekachakra, the appearance place of Lord Nityananda, who was an incarnation of Krishna’s brother, Lord Balarama. From Mayapur, we would take an overnight train trip to Puri, where Lord Jagannath (Krishna in His ecstatic form) rules with his brother and sister, Baladeva and Subhadra. After 4 days there, we would fly back to Mumbai from Puri where I would have one last day before departing home. 11 days on the ground that were completely filled with going to holy places. Yeah...I was stoked!!!

I arrived in Mumbai, India about 9pm India time after about 18 hours in the air. I flew from Atlanta to New Jersey and then Jersey straight through to Mumbai. When I finally got through customs and got my luggage, I made my way to the main airport exit. The first thing that hits you about Mumbai is that it smells VERY different than the mountains of North Georgia and you are constantly hearing car horns!! There are 29 million people in Mumbai. If you’re claustrophobic, I highly recommend that you do not visit. It’s VERY difficult to not be around a lot of people. The main exit of the airport was, to say the least, chaotic. Lots of people all yelling to try to get the attention of other people. Poonam’s dad was supposed to meet me here. I didn’t see him. I looked again and again, but he was not there. Ok. I wasn’t panicking, but I figured I had better call to see what was going on. I had to ask to borrow a phone as my Straight Talk plan was not international. I was told that he was on his way and to wait there. I did and tried to let it soaked in that I was in INDIA!!!! I hadn’t done a trip this far from home since my Australia trip in 1989. I promise that I WILL go back and write about that later.

Above: A typical street in very overcrowded Mumbai.

After what seemed like a very, very long time, Poonam’s father finally got there in a taxi. We loaded my luggage and I got in the back seat. I then had my first experience with Indian driving. Yes. There are traffic signals. No. They are not obeyed. People use their car horns to indicate that they’re going to pass you. Sometimes the driver can see around the car or truck that they’re going to pass and sometimes that can’t. That doesn’t seem to matter at all!! I was gripping the back of the front passenger seat SO hard! It was a white-knuckled ride for sure. We got to Poonam’s aunt’s apartment. This was her mom’s sister, who lived there with her daughter, and mother and father. Poonam’s mom opened the door and Poonam was right before her. She was jumping up and down and so was I! I was trying to be polite and greet her mom, but I just wanted to hug Poonam!! We hadn’t seen each other in a month and we missed each other so much! That was a hug for the ages!!! I met everyone and figured we’d all go to bed immediately as we had to be up by 4am to catch a flight to Kolkata and by the time we got there, it was after 10pm. However, in the Indian custom, her aunt insisted on feeding me. It’s very rude to refuse, so I had a very late meal. It was fantastic, so I really didn’t mind! Before I went to bed, I was shown the bathroom and the Indian way of taking a shower. In most Indian bathrooms, there is no separate shower stall. The drain is in the floor and one wall will have the hot and cold knob for the shower. There’s a bucket on the floor where you mix the hot and cold water to your preferred temperature and there’s a small pitcher in the bucket. You pour the water over you, soap up, and rinse off. India is a very modest country, so you’re expected to get dressed in the bathroom before you come out. Now then, doing that in a very wet room must be an acquired skill because I found it extremely difficult...especially if I was trying to put on a choli so that I could wear a sari. Yes. I had to learn many, many things in India!

We all got up, got ready, had breakfast, and were driven to the airport. The 3 hour flight to Kolkata was uneventful except for one thing. At one point, Poonam was sleeping and laid her head on my shoulder. It was so sweet and I was so happy to be reunited with my friend!

We got to Kolkata and were met by the sons of my senior god-brother. Actually, that entire family all have Jayapataka Swami (JPS) as their guru, too, so they’re all god-brothers and god-sister to me. We were driven to their home (actually, they have two homes side-by-side) and, just as we were shown to our room (which had air conditioning!!!!!!!!), our host, Laxmanram prabhu, said that we had about an hour to get ready. “For what?” I asked. We were quite tired and ready to relax a bit. Laxmanram prabhu responded, “Guru Maharaja is coming.” It turns out that JPS was coming to speak at the nine day festival that Laxmanram and his family put on each year. It lasted nine days and they were right in the middle of it when we arrived. On the roof of one of his houses (which are all concrete), they did the cooking in HUGE pots! They could feed a couple of hundred people at a time! It was quite an impressive operation and the entire village of Panihati attended each year. So….we all jumped up to do a quick shower and change before JPS arrived. It was pretty hectic! How fortunate was I? I had just taken initiation one month ago and here I was going to get to see him on my first full day in Panihati no less! :-)

Above: The main stage of the nine day festival that my senior god-brother, Laxmanram prabhu and his family organized and host each year.

Above: My Guru Maharaja arriving to speak at the festival.

Above: Lord Jagannath, Lord Baladeva, and Lady Subhadra presiding over the festival.

Above: His Holiness Jayapataka Swami (JPS)

They had a nice stage and sound system set up as well as an altar where Lord Jagannath, Lord Baladeva, and Lady Subhadra presided over the festivities. The Chakraborthy family has gorgeous deities and I really loved spending time in Their presence. JPS arrived and there must have been a couple of hundred in attendance. He gave the lecture in Bengali (he speaks it fluently and is a citizen of India), so I couldn’t understand anything he said, but that was ok. At least I got to see him! As soon as he finished, Laxmanram prabhu went onstage to speak with him and then he and his family got JPS’s blessings. Then he motioned for me to come up on the stage. My head started spinning! Why do I always get so nervous around my Guru Maharaj. Anyway, I went up, Laxmanram prabhu told JPS that this was my first trip to India after just taking initiation last month. Guru Maharaja asked me something, but I don’t even remember what I said! He gave me his blessings and then he made his way back to his car to return to Mayapur.

We went to the roof to eat. Whenever there are large gatherings, you sit down and someone will come with plates (usually made out of leaves for natural composting) and cups followed by people serving the different preparations. The one thing I didn’t see was a fork or spoon. I looked at Poonam and she just smiled and held up her hand. It was time for me to eat the traditional Indian way...with my hand. I could see everyone staring at me, so I said, “It’s perfectly ok to laugh at me. I’m fairly certain that I’ll be most entertaining!” I actually surprised myself! I realized that I wouldn’t have to worry about starving in Indian. I could feed myself! :-)

Above two pics: The main deities in the small temple at the site of the first Panihati Festival are Lord Nityanda (left) and Sadbhuja Gauranga (the 6 armed form of Lord Caitanya).

Above: Touching the Neem tree where the first Panihati Festival was held.

Above: One of my favorite pics! Poonam was so serene standing in front of the Neem tree as a light rain fell. It was an awesome day!

The next day, we went to the place of the first Panihati Festival that was held about 540 years ago. It’s marked by a large Neem tree where Lord Caitanya and Lord Nityananda sat and enjoyed the chipped rice that was prepared for all who attended. As I mentioned earlier, the Atlanta temple was named New Panihati Dham and it is the only other authentic place where a Panihati Festival can be held each year, though other places can certainly celebrate it, too. To be at this place, which was on the banks of the Ganges was just amazing! There was a small temple right next to the tree and we were able to take darshan (be in the presence and pay our respects) to the deities there. Afterwards, we went back to the house and we (me, Poonam, Sujay, and Laxmanram prabhu’s sons) decided to just do a walkabout. Panihati is a small village that’s about 15 miles to the north of Kolkata. The villagers there don’t see many white people, not to mention six foot tall white women! Suffice it to say that I REALLY stood out anywhere I went and almost everybody stared at me. It was a little unnerving at first, but I got somewhat used to it as time went on. We were walking down a road to go to a store and I remember saying that I needed some garbage bags for dirty laundry. Darpa and Partha (Laxmanram’s sons) started laughing. I then found out that there are no garbage bags available. Garbage is swept/raked into piles outside and, when large enough, set on fire. There is no garbage service in most of India. This was a new concept to me. After visiting the small grocery store...(Actually, ALL businesses are much smaller in India. You’ll see that as I post pics.)...and getting a Limca (a really excellent lemon-lime soda), we were making our way back and I was getting stared at a lot! There are several modes of transporting goods in India and one way is by bicycle. You see severely overloaded bikes being ridden down the roads just stacked with goods! It’s amazing how they can balance everything. Well, this one bicycle driver went past us. As he did, he saw me and started staring. He kept pedalling, but kept turning his head back to look at me. Sure enough...BOOM! He went right into the back of an auto-rickshaw!!! His bike went down and all of his goods went everywhere. Yes. We laughed and I told him that it served him right for staring at me. Thank you, karma!

Above: A street in Panihati, India.

Above: Taking in the sights!

Above two pics: Panihati, India

For our last meal in Panihati, Laxmanram prabhu invited us to eat in his house. As we were eating, he came in and said, “I have something for you to try.” and he put this wet, orange slice of something on my plate. I put it in my mouth and started chewing...and chewing...and chewing. It wouldn’t break down! Laxmanram said, “Do you know what it is? It’s jackfruit!” Now, I’ve had jackfruit many, many times. When it’s cooked, it has a wonderful texture and can be used in many, many dishes. I quite like it. However, in its raw state, it’s a wet, semi-slimy, unchewable mess! I never could get it to break down and it’s incredibly rude to spit something out, so I ended up swallowing it whole! Laxmanram was ready to put another slice on my plate when I begged off telling him how full I was. Oddly, everyone there who had all eaten a piece of raw jackfruit was suddenly full! :-) It was my first and last experience with raw jackfruit.

Above: Jackfruit cooked...excellent! Jackfruit raw...Never again!!!

Above: My senior god-brother and our wonderful Panihati host, Laxmanram prabhu (possibly eating raw jackfruit!!!)

Above: We met this sweet young girl named Payal. She spoke no English, but we bonded and she wanted us to meet her young sister. This was one of those unexpected, special moments that you savor!

The next morning, we all piled into a taxi and headed for our next destination...Mayapur, the appearance place of Krsna’s most recent incarnation, Lord Caitanya! Upon arrival to the ISKCON complex, we made our way to the Gada Bhavan Guest House, where we would stay for the next four days. Poonam’s family were ISKCON (International Society of Krsna Consciousness) Life Members, that means that they get free accommodations at ISKCON centers around the world and they are allowed to have guests with them. I was their guest on this trip. Before we left Mumbai, Poonam’s dad had told us to make copies of our passports to take with us, but to leave the actual passports in Mumbai at Poonam’s aunt’s apartment. Yeah...that’s a bit of foreshadowing, folks. We checked in and made sure that we asked for bottled water and toilet paper. The last thing you want to do in India, is to drink the local water. It’s fine for the people who live there, but if you’re not accustomed to it, it will do you in in no time! Poonam, her brother, mom, and aunt would stay in one room at one end of the guest house and I had my own room at the other end. I put my suitcases in my room and then went to Poonam’s families’ room. We were met there by Madhurya Madhavi, who we knew from Atlanta. She had married the manager of the guest house and moved to Mayapur. She was a very wonderful, advanced devotee and she was telling us about all of the amazing holy places that we were going to see.

Above: Part of ISKCON Mayapur

Above: One side of The Gada Bhavan Guest House.

Above: The view of the courtyard from my room at the guest house.

Above: Krsna dancing on the head of Kaliya. Just one of the gorgeous pieces of art on the ISKCON Mayapur grounds

While she was speaking with us, there was a knock at the door. Poonam’s aunt answered and it was one of the men from the check-in desk. He just leaned in, saw me, and said, “Would you please come with me?” Thinking that they were going to give me the bottled water and toilet paper that I asked for earlier, I got up and jokingly said as I left, “If I get arrested, I’ll see you back in the states.” We all laughed and I walked outside. The man immediately shut the door behind me. I immediately saw a security guard holding a rifle. I asked, “What’s going on?” and the desk clerk simply said, “Come with us.” He led the way. I walked behind him and the guard with two hands on his rifle was about two feet behind me. I had no idea what was happening. We got to the front desk and they immediately started grilling me! “Who are you? Why are you here? What are your intentions? Give us your passport!” I was shaking and stammered out, “I’m here as a guest of the Mahtanis. You saw me check in with them! Why are you doing this?” I started crying. They insisted upon seeing my passport. Remember when I said that I left it in Mumbai? Yeah. I was beginning to freak out! Then they said, “You owe us 32,000 rupees.” In shock, I yelled, “For what?” 32,000 rupees is about $430.00 US dollars. They said it was the cost of my room. Through my tears, I protested that I was in as a guest of the Mahtanis and that they, themselves, had been there 30 minutes earlier when we had all checked in. The entire time, the armed guard stood two feet behind me with both hands on his rifle. The desk clerk looked at me with disgust and said, “We’ll deal with you later.” I was completely in shock as I made my way back to the Mahtani’s room. I explained what had happened and then had to excuse myself as I knew I was about to completely breakdown. I just got to my room before I started sobbing uncontrollably. What the hell was going on? I was so dismayed that this is how I was being treated in the Holy Land of Lord Caitanya and, within one hour, I had a gun to my back and felt completely alienated!

About five minutes later there was a knock at my door. It was Poonam’s mother and Naru Gopal (Madhurya’s husband and manager of the guest house). He was all apologies. He told me that a terrible mistake had been made and he was very sorry at how I was treated. I told him that I didn’t feel very welcome and was contemplating returning home. He again apologized and asked me to please give them another chance. I agreed and asked for a few minutes to compose myself. After I pulled myself together, I met up with everyone and we went to the temple. The deities in Mayapur are amazing! There are two altars that are side by side, with some space in between them. If you’re looking at the altars, on the left is the Pancha Tattva (Lord Caitanya, Lord Nityananda, Sri Advaita, Gadadhara pandit, and Srivas pandit.) They’re spectacular! The other altar is Sri Sri Radha Madhava (Krsna and Radharani) along with the eight principal gopis (cowherd girls). The beauty is indescribable, so I’ll let the pictures do the talking. The deities are between 7 and 8 feet tall and they are decorated beautifully each day by the temple priests. At the side of the Pancha Tattva altar, a priest offers charanamrita, which is the water that was used to bathe the deities that morning. It’s usually flavored with some yogurt. Without thinking twice, I held out my hand, the priest put a few drops in my hand, and I drank it. BIG mistake!!!! I should have just put it on my head. More on this shortly.

Madhurya had told us to come back to the guest house after we visited the temple for lunch. She’s a superb cook and prepared a full meal for all of us! Everything was delicious and the plan was for us to take a little rest and then Madhurya would take us around to see the Holy places of Mayapur. Let me take a moment to talk about the weather in India. I took my first trip in July. I don’t recommend this. In Mayapur, the temperature was in the upper 90’s each day, but the humidity was UNBELIEVABLE!!! Logically, I know that humidity cannot be more than 100%, but I swear to you that it’s at least 180% in Mayapur! The air is so heavy that it physically hits you when you step outside. It’s so uncomfortable, that almost everything closes for a few hours in the afternoon and then reopens and stays open until well after dark.

Above: Sri Sri Radha Madhava

Above: The Pancha Tattva (from left - Advaita Acarya, Lord Nityananda, Lord Caitanya, Gadadhara pandit, and Srivas Pandit.

Above: Ugra Nrsimhadeva

By the time we ended lunch, I started feeling very bad. I went back to my room and it just got worse and worse. Fortunately, I had brought some very good anti-dysentery medicine with me and I immediately took some. Still, I was in no shape to walk around Mayapur to see the Holy places. All of the others came to my room to check on me and I told them that I would not be able to join them. I was so sad as they left and I laid down on my very hard bed. Did I mention that the beds in India are extremely hard? When I first got to my room, I plopped down on the bed and thought I had cracked my tailbone!!!! I read a little and tried to sleep. The medicine did keep me from having to run to the bathroom constantly, but I still felt really bad. Poonam came by my room about 9pm with some prasadam (spiritualized food). She also read to me a little and told me all about the places they visited. She asked me if I planned on attending Mangala Arati in the morning (the first temple service at 4:30am) and I told her that I did and would come to her room.

I got some sleep and, although I certainly was not at 100% I managed to shower and get dressed. I went to Poonam’s room and she told me that she was running late and would meet me at the temple. The temple is about a three minute walk from the guest house and it was 4:15am. I was wearing a cotton salwar...very lightweight. By the time I walked from the guest house to the temple, it looked as if someone had taken a 50 gallon barrel of water and poured it over my head. I was completely soaked with sweat! I had never experienced anything like it. I got in the temple and took my place in front of the altar. There are fans all along the walls of the temple. Of all of these fans, TWO were turned on. As more and more people gathered and the curtains were opened on the altar, I realized that I was standing in a puddle of my own sweat! After the Mangala Arati prayer is sung, everyone’s attention goes to the third altar in the temple. That’s where Lord Nrsinghadeva resides His ugra (fierce) form. Another beautiful prayer is sung, but I felt that I was about to pass out and I knew I had to get back to my room and the air conditioner!

I made it back and collapsed on the bed. I felt defeated. I slept a little and then chanted my rounds. About 10am Poonam knocked on my door and asked me where I had been. She told me that my Guru Maharaj had personally given the class that morning. I told her that I still wasn’t 100% and that I would meet her for lunch. I then politely asked her to leave. Almost as soon as the door closed I LOST IT!!! I started bawling my eyes out! I felt like such a failure! Here I excited to come to Mayapur for the first time and what happens? I get a rifle to my back and interrogated by incredibly rude people. I get dysentery for being stupid and drinking caranamrita, which is local water. I missed seeing all of the Holy places. I can’t stay in the temple because I sweated so much that I thought I was going to pass out. And now I find out that I missed hearing my Guru Maharaja give a class, which is something I really wanted to attend and something that he doesn’t do every day! Why had I even bothered coming to India!? It was obvious to me that I wasn’t wanted here. Why had I taken initiation? This was all a mistake!! Maybe I can get something like an annulment. After all, it had just been one month. I could just tell my Guru Maharaha that this was all a mistake and go home!!!!!! Then I thought that if I go back to the way things were before I met Poonam, then I’d just be miserable again. What the hell was I going to do???!!! I literally fell to my knees sobbing and asking Krsna to help me. I was so completely lost and broken at that moment….

Part two coming soon...

Above: Me and Poonam in Navadwip.

Above: A kadamba flower.

So here I am on my knees, sobbing uncontrollably, not knowing what to do! I don’t feel welcome in Mayapur at all and everything keeps going wrong. I really just want to go home and forget that this trip and my initiation ever happened! But if I do that and go back to life as it was before I met Poonam, I’m just going to be miserable again! What am I going to do?

It’s said that when we call out to Krsna, we should be crying like a baby to its mother. I can honestly say that I did just that on that floor of my room in Mayapur. I begged for His help! When I finally composed myself, I went to meet the others and Madhurya. Madhurya asked if I minded helping her with something. Of course I didn’t, so the two of us went off together. She took me to the back part of the ISKCON complex and said, “Shanti. Do you see this tree? It’s a kadamba tree and Radharani LOVES the kadamba flowers. I’m never able to get the best ones because they’re too high up, but now you’re here and I was hoping that you’d help me pick those (as she pointed up). There was an old, rickety table and chair there. I had to put the chair on top of the table to reach them and I had to be very careful as this was a disaster just waiting to happen, but I was able to get a lot of the flowers for her. When she said that she had enough, we headed back and met Poonam in Madhurya’s office of the guest house. She called for one of the devotees and, handing the kadamba flowers to him said, “Please take these to the temple and make sure they’re used for Radharani’s garland in the morning.” My eyes got REALLY wide as I asked her what she meant. She just smiled and said, “You just picked the flowers that Radharani will be holding tomorrow morning.”

Above: Madhurya and Poonam on the banks of the Ganges.

Let me explain a little about devotional service. In Krsna Consciousness, the entire idea is that we should try to always be thinking about Krsna in everything that we do. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1. It’s practice for what we’ll be doing when we return to the spiritual world and 2. Krsna says in the Bhagavad Gita that anyone who is thinking of Him when they leave their body will surely return to Him. That’s why we chant the Maha Mantra so try to cleanse our hearts of all the material contamination that we’ve accumulated while we’ve been in the material world and to try to re-train our brains to focus on Krsna.

Above: Making garlands.

I told you all of that so that you’ll understand better that, in Mayapur, devotees are always asking for the opportunity to do devotional service and it’s very, very difficult to get that privilege as there are so many devotees there! Here I was, just initiated one month before and having the worst first 48 hours that you could possibly imagine in Mayapur and I got to pick flowers for a garland that Radharani was going to hold? To say that I was blown away was an understatement! Later, Madhurya said that we would go see the Holy places of Mayapur. I told her that she didn’t have to do that as they all had just seen them on our first day there when I got sick and I didn’t want to be a burden. “Nonsense!”, she said and off we went. We went everywhere that they had previously gone and, in the midst of it all, Madhurya said, “Thank you, Shanti!”. I was completely baffled. She then explained that, when they had come before, almost all of the temples had been closed for various reasons and that they had not been able to see the deities. This time, every single temple and Holy place was open and we were able to see all the deities in Their splendor! Madhurya said, “Krsna wanted to make sure that we all got to see these, so you got sick so we have to come back. Otherwise, we wouldn’t have gotten all of this mercy!”

Above: Madhurya points out different places that we're going to see.

Above: Chanting japa in the Ganges.

Above: Crossing the Ganges to get to Navadwip. You can see how soaked with sweat I am in this picture...and we were just getting started!

Above: One of the kunds (lakes) in Mayapur. See the big fish? :-)

Above: This is the Neem tree where Lord Caitanya appeared some 543 years ago.

Above: One of the main streets in Navadwip.

Above: In the Ganges at Prabhupada Ghat.

Ok. What was going on? The first 48 hours sucked royally and now everything seemed to be making a 180 degree turn. I was going to keep my guard up just in case! After meeting up with Poonam’s mom and aunt, we all went to Prabhupada Ghat, which is a very popular place to go into the Ganges to bathe and chant. It’s said that if you chant with your japa beads in the waters of Mother Ganga, they are infused with spiritual energy. Besides, it was super hot and we wanted a dip!!! :-) Again, you have to be very careful not to take in any of the water as, in all probability, you’ll get sick. No worries for the locals! The local kids were frolicking and swimming like crazy! Another thing about India that I noticed was the abject poverty. A lot of India would be classified as third world and seeing the shacks that families lived in was very humbling. However, the people...especially the children...seemed very happy! Give some kids an old, discarded tire and some sticks and they could entertain themselves no end rolling that tire and running after it! It really made me realize just how much we take for granted in the west. India has this incredible wealth of spirituality to share with us and we have an abundance of material things! The odd thing is, more and more, India is becoming more westernized and the west seems to be searching harder for spirituality. At the time in India, it was a status symbol to buy gold. Even if it was a tiny speck in plastic on a card, people would work and save for months and months and months just for this status symbol. Somehow, that was supposed to make their lives better. It was very sad to see.

Above: One of the reasons that it takes 4.5 hours to drive the 70 miles from Mayapur to Navadwip.

Above: These two guys greeted us in Ekachakra.

Above: Deities of Sri Sri Gaura Nitai in Ekachakra.

Above: Construction was beginning in Ekachakra in 2011. A lot has occurred since then.

Above: Another temple's Gaura Nitai deities in Ekachakra.

One of the days there, we made the sojourn to Ekachakra, the appearance place of Lord Nityananda. It took 4.5 hours each way, so it was a full day trip! When we got there, we could see that there was a lot of construction going on. A new hotel, apartments, and a new temple were all being built. I must say that I’m not crazy about all of the construction going on at the Holy sites that we visited. It will completely change the atmosphere and landscape and, personally, I think India loses a piece of her charm with every new structure. Yes. This goes for the Temple of the Vedic Planetarium in Mayapur, too. In just the few years between my first trip to Mayapur and my most recent, I can see and feel the difference and it makes me sad. Anyway, we found a guide to take us to all of the Holy sites in Ekachakra, which was really cool! Also, I met two dogs who were super friendly and one of them led the way on our pilgrimage! He would walk about 20 feet ahead of us. Whenever we would stop and the guide would describe what we were seeing and tell us the story behind it, this dog would become very agitated and cry at me to “Come on, already!!” I would respond, “Hang on! We’ll be right there!” and the dog would immediately stop and sit patiently until we moved on. Then, the same thing would happen at the next site! I loved this dog! I found several years later that this dog is somewhat famous and does this with all the people who go to see the sites. He’s a very special soul and I was so fortunate to meet him! :-)

I mentioned that we were in Panihati during the festival that Laxmanram and his family put on. Well, one of the events that takes place daily during this time in India is Ratha Yatra. The biggest one occurs in Puri, but they’re held all over the world and, especially, all over India. Ratha Yatra is when Lord Jagannath, Lord Baladeva, and Lady Subhadra are placed on chariots and taken out for a parade. Everyone has the opportunity to pull the chariots. The symbolism is that you are pulling the Lord into your heart. It’s an amazingly festive event and we were in Mayapur for their Ratha Yatra! It was an absolute blast as we sang and danced and pulled the chariots around the complex! I was able to pull each of the chariots and we all had an ecstatic time!!!!

Above: Lord Baladeva during Ratha Yatra in Mayapur.

Above: Lost in ecstasy during Ratha Yatra.

Above (top pic): Lady Subhadra on her Mayapur chariot.

Immediately above: Poonam pulling one of the chariots.

Above: Lord Jagannath on His chariot.

Above: One of my favorite places in Mayapur is the Jagannath Mandir. These deities are awesome!!

Above: Poonam and Sujay pulling a chariot.

The next morning, Madhurya invited me and Poonam to her office. I don’t think that I’ve mentioned that Madhurya is an amazing pujari (priest) and an expert in serving the deities in all ways. She had a bunch of flowers on her desk and said, “I’m going to get you started, but I wanted you to finish these, ok?” Now then, Poonam is quite good at garland making, but I’m a novice (and that’s being generous!). However, I followed Madhurya’s pattern and Poonam and I both finished our small garlands. She then asked Poonam which was her favorite deity at the temple. Poonam said that she just loved the deity of Srivas Pandit (he’s on the far right of the Pancha Tattva deities, if you’re looking at them). Madhurya called for an assistant, gave him the garlands we had made, and said, “Give these to the pujaris and tell them that they’re for Srivas Pandit. Hurry! There’s not much time!” Poonam and I were incredulous! We looked at Madhurya and she just smiled. Later, when we went to see the deities, sure enough, Srivas Pandit was wearing the garlands that we had made!!! I don’t want to sound over-dramatic, but there are devotees who would do ANYTHING to be able to make garlands for the deities in the Holy Dham! This was no small thing and we are forever grateful to Madhurya Madhavi devi dasi for these amazing service opportunities.

Above: Anytime I can be with animals, I'm happy. This is the goshala in Mayapur.

Above: Poonam feeding bananas to the cows.

Above: Such special souls!

Above: This is the tree where Haridas Thakura (the keeper of the Holy Names) would sit and chant 192 round per day. That's about 20 hours of chanting each and every day!

We spent our final day in Mayapur and I remember standing in front of Sri Sri Radha Madhava with tears in my eyes. They were tears of gratitude. What had started out as an absolutely horrible time had turned into the most amazing couple of days that anyone could hope for! Over one million people make the pilgrimage to Mayapur each year and look at the amazing service opportunities that I got to perform! Unbelievable! As I was thinking about this, I had a seemingly obvious realization. Remember when Poonam gave me “the Maya speech” and told me that I was declaring war on Maya (Krsna’s illusion energy) and that she would really test me. Well, where was I? MAYApur!!!!!! I’m such an idiot. I let my guard down and she kicked my butt severely!! Talk about testing me! She had me questioning EVERYTHING! Since that time, she has tested me severely on several more occasions, but each time it seems to get a little easier to realize what’s happening and then I can get things under control again. Maya really isn’t bad. She’s just doing her job, which is to protect Krsna by making sure that we truly want to go back home...back to Godhead (the spiritual world).

It was difficult to say good-bye to our friends, but we had an evening train to catch to go to our next stop...Puri, the home base of Lord Jagannath, Lord Baladeva, and Lady Subhadra! We took a taxi back to Kolkata, which is just a 79 mile drive, but due to the roads and traffic, it takes 4 hours! Once we got to the train station, things got quite chaotic! The depot is super crowded and people are constantly pushing each other to try to get to their respective trains. The five of us struggled to not be separated by the massive crowds of people. We finally got our tickets, but it turned out that we were going to be in three separate places on the train, which didn’t thrill me. Poonam and her mom were together. Sujay and Aunt Anitha were together. I was alone. On the plus side, I ended up getting a tiny, little compartment all to myself. It was a 9 hour train ride from Kolkata to Puri overnight. I got a little bit of sleep, but not too much as it wasn’t very comfortable. As morning arrived, I was able to look out of the train window and see the Indian countryside. This is the India that I love, not the cities. People lead very, very simple lives. Srila Prabhupada taught us that we should strive for “simple living and higher thinking”. The world would be a much better place if more of us would try to remember this.

Above: A map showing you the distance between Kolkata and Puri. It was about a 10 hour overnight trip.

Above: My little compartment on the train.

Above: Sunrise out of the train window as we head to Puri.

Above: Monkeys!!!!!

Above: Ahead you can see the three chariots in Puri.

Above: Sujay approved of the view from his hotel room in Puri.

Above: Poonam looking radiant on the beach!

Above: Our hotel in Puri.

We arrived in Puri, got an auto rickshaw, and made our way to the hotel. I REALLY liked this hotel!! You could go out the back door, walk a couple of hundred yards, and be on the beach!!! Poonam and I shared a room and Kanchan, Anitha, and Sujay shared the other room. I was super stoked to be here!!! Puri is where the original Ratha Yatra was held and it was currently going on and I’d get to see the HUGE chariots!

I need to explain a little about Puri and please understand that my knowledge is minuscule at best. Puri is the land of Jagannath, Baladeva, and Subhadra...Krsna, His brother, and His sister in Their ecstatic forms. In Puri, the land is so holy that any food that is prepared is automatically prasadam (spiritualized food) even if it is not offered! I don’t know of anyplace else where this is true. There is a huge temple for Their Lordships and only people born in India are allowed in. There is an old belief that someone from the west will steal the deities and bring them to the west, so no foreigners are allowed into the temple. In fact, any time that I would get within a couple of blocks of the temple, people would start yelling at me and motioning for me to move away! It was quite unsettling. Even more unsettling was the amount of beggars that would descend upon me wherever I went. Now, it happened to some extent everywhere I went in India, but in Puri it was beyond ridiculous!! As we went to visit the holy and temples of Puri, I would be completely surrounded by women holding their hungry children up in my face making sure that I would see their distended stomachs. Anyone with any kind of deformity would make sure that it was put right in front of me. Honestly, it was completely overwhelming and shook me up on more than one occasion.

About half of the small temples would not allow me to enter. One of the first temples I did go into had a few pujaris who would motion for me to come up to them. They asked me my name and started offering prayers to the deities there. I thanked them and turned to leave. They grabbed me and demanded money for the prayers that they had offered! Poonam and her family were almost out of the temple. I was yelling for them for help!!! They couldn’t hear me. Finally, I gave the priests about half of what they asked and they let me go. I was on the verge of tears. It was just a racket. How disheartening to find that, even in the holy places of India, there were people who did such things. I was very upset and told Poonam that, “I was done!” and that I didn’t want to visit any other temples. We did visit a couple of other places and I just waited outside and tried to avoid the beggars while Poonam and her family would go in.

We got back to the hotel and turned on the TV. There had been a terrorist bombing in Mumbai in the diamond district. 21 people had been killed. It meant that security around the Ratha Yatra chariots would be even tighter than usual. This would come into play the next day, the last day of the festival. The deities stay out on Their chariots for 9 days and each day they are pulled through the streets of Puri. The chariots stand about 60 feet tall and the ropes that pull them are HUGE! The day after the Mumbai bombing was the last day that the deities would be on Their chariots. They would then be moved back into the temple. Poonam’s father had contacted a local pandit (holy man) and told him that a newly initiated devotee from the west was coming and would they please try to get me up onto one of the chariots. We went to meet the pandit in the morning. I’ll never forget how he started at my feet and slowly looked up at my 6 foot frame with an incredulous look on his face. Though I didn't speak the language, I knew that he was saying, “There’s no way!!” You see, while it’s not absolutely forbidden for a foreigner to go onto a chariot, it’s not something that the locals like to see. The pandit told us to come back once it was dark. He made no promises, but said that he would try. I waited while Poonam, her mom, aunt, and brother all went onto the chariots to see the deities. Because of the bombing that had happened, there were armed guards completely circling the three chariots. They stood shoulder to shoulder. We went to take lunch at a very good restaurant we had found and, while eating, Aunt Anitha asked me how I was sleeping during my trip. I mentioned how the beds were very hard and she said that harder beds are much better for one’s back. I said that, while this might be true, I was used to sleeping on a waterbed. She asked me why I had a waterbed and I said that my ex had scoliosis and our doctor and her chiropractor had recommended it and that she had left it when we broke up. There was a short silence before Anitha said, “Oh! You were in a relationship with a woman?” Without thinking twice I responded, “Yes.” and that was that. Little did I know the repercussions that this little piece of knowledge about me would cause. More on that later.

Above: You can see Lord Jagannath's eyes on the chariot. It gives you an idea of the size of the deities in Puri.

Above two pics: All day long for 9 days during Ratha Yatra, people are constantly visiting the deities on Their chariots.

Above: You can see Poonam's mom (in blue) and aunt (in red top) climbing up to see Lord Jagannath.

Above three pics: More shots of the massive chariots!

We went back to the hotel for a little rest before heading back to the chariots after it got dark. In India, it gets dark very early (by 6pm). We somehow managed to find the pandits and they were talking to Poonam’s mom and aunt. I guess they were explaining the plan. I was completely in the dark! They motioned for me to wrap my dupada (scarf) around my head and for me to bend over to try to hide my height and identity. Then, one pandit got in front of me and one behind me and they led me towards the line of armed military guards. I had very limited sight with the dupada around my head. We stopped and the pandits spoke to a guard. From my bent over position, I looked up and could just see the guard very firmly shaking his head “No!”. They then led me to another guard. Same response, but this time, a guard grabbed me by the shoulder and was yelling. I never saw him and the pandits quickly pulled me away and I figured that they were giving up. After all, they never promised. Instead, they took me to another guard. One of the pandits seemed to know this guard. Again, I was looking up from my bent over position. I saw this guard look around and then pull up on the rope so that we could slide under it! It was at this moment that I realized that I hadn’t left my sandals with Poonam and her family. Oh well...say good-bye to those! They led me to Lord Jagannath’s chariot. The amount of people there for this last chance to see the deities up close was enormous! Although Puri often had ocean breezes blowing in and the humidity was nothing like Mayapur, it was still India in July. I was very hot, sweating profusely, and my heart was pounding like crazy! I was sure I was going to either end up getting arrested or or the other.

The ramp leading up from the ground to the chariot was made out of bamboo trunks all tied together. We got into the throng of people and started up the ramp. We were SO packed in! People in front of us, to each of us, and behind us. You could only move when the crowd moved. The angle of the ramp was fairly steep and about half-way up, everyone stopped. All of a sudden, we started slowly falling backward! There was a lot of screaming and I really didn’t know what was happening. I would guess that we were leaning backwards at about a 45 degree angle, but we didn’t fall because there were so many people behind us. Somehow, the momentum shifted forward again and we made our way the rest of the way up the ramp. I’m still bent over with my head covered so I’m still not seeing too much. The pandits led to the left side of the chariot. I could see the edge. It was a good 20 to 25 feet to the ground and one bad step and I would be right over the side! They took me to the back of the chariot and motioned for me to sit down. I did so and tried to keep my head down. A couple of people did bend over and peek at my face. To paraphrase Elton John’s “I Feel Like a Bullet (In the Gun of Robert Ford)”, “...and if looks could kill then I’d be a dead trans.” Seriously, they had hate in their eyes for this white foreigner who was on Jagannath’s chariot! Just then, the pandit’s grabbed me and pulled to the side of the chariot. There was a small space underneath a bamboo pole. They motioned for me to crawl through. I did so and was followed by the smaller pandit. Again, I really didn’t know what the hell was going on, when he took both my hands and placed them against something. Immediately, I realized that it wasn’t someTHING, but someONE! I was hugging Lord Jagannath!!! I looked at the pandit and he had a huge smile on his face. I don’t know exactly how long I was there...maybe 30 second...maybe one minute, but I said a prayer and thanked Lord Jagannath for His mercy! I do know that ever since that happened, anytime that I tell this story (even now as I’m typing it), my hands tingle. It’s the coolest thing!!! :-)

Above 3 pics: This is the night I snuck up onto Lord Jagannath's chariot with the help of the two pandits. You can see how many people are on the ramp (on the right).

We still had to get back down through the mass of humanity and find Poonam and her family. Somehow, we managed. I even found one of my sandals, though the other was long gone! I was shaking...from fear, from exhilaration, and from exhaustion! I couldn’t believe what had just just happened! I’ve been many, many times since this happened just how rare it is for a westerner to be able to make it up onto one of the chariots, much less hug Lord Jagannath! I would say that this was the 180 degree mark of my first trip to India. It started with me being led by an armed guard to an interrogation and ended with me hugging the Lord of the Universe!!!!! :-)

Next: Finishing up in Puri and back to Mumbai!

Above: Statue of Garuda in Puri. Very similar to the tattoo that I got of him. :-)

The beach behind the hotel was clean and beautiful! I really wanted to go into the ocean, but the waves and currents were, respectively, big and strong and I knew Poonam’s mom would have had a heart attack had I done so.

Above: Poonam and Sujay on the beach in Puri.

We noticed a local gentleman with a camel and he was offering rides up and down the beach. This was a no-brainer as I was definitely going to go home saying that I had ridden a camel!!!

The camel’s name was Chuey and he was really sweet. Poonam wasn’t so sure about this idea of mine, but I talked her into it and we had a very nice oceanside ride. It was very cool! After we dismounted Chuey, he gave each of us a kiss. That was a really good morning!

Above: Chuey being affectionate! :-)

Above: This is the beach behind the hotel we stayed at in Puri.

We had found a restaurant that we really liked and ate there each day that we were in Puri. The food was excellent and very, very reasonably priced! The five of us could eat for about $10 USD. On our last day in Puri we went, once again to this restaurant. As we were eating, Anitha asked me how I was sleeping while on my Indian trip. I told her that I was sleeping ok, but that I found the beds to be extremely hard. She said that a harder bed was better for one’s back. I told her that I understood that, but that at home, I slept on a waterbed, so this was quite the change for me!

She then asked why I slept on a waterbed. I said, “My ex has scoliosis and both her chiropractor and our general practitioner recommended a heated waterbed for her. Even though we were no longer together, I kept the bed.”

I saw Poonam shoot me a look. Anitha then asked, “You were in a relationship with a woman?” Without even thinking twice I responded, “Yes. We were together for almost nine years.”....and that was the end of that...or so I thought.

Above: Poonam and Anitha getting some khaja, a classic Puri sweet.

We finished up our stay in Puri and then it was time to fly back to Mumbai. I would have one full day in Mumbai before leaving very early the following morning to fly back home. Poonam, her mom, and her brother would stay another couple of weeks in Mumbai.

We spent the full day going to three places: the ISKCON Juhu temple, the ISKCON Chowpatty temple, and the Bhaktivedanta Hospital. Though these places were not very far away from each other, Mumbai is SO crowded and the traffic such a nightmare that it took all day long to do this! There are about 30 million people in Mumbai. If you have claustrophobia, I highly suggest that you do not go there! It seems that obeying traffic lights and laws are optional and it could easily take an hour to go one mile. It was insane!!!

We went to the hospital first and got a complete tour of the facility. It was very, very impressive! After that, we went to the beautiful Chowpatty temple and were able to take darshan of the deities there. They also had a great gift shop that I took advantage of!

Above four pictures are from the Chowpatty temple.

By the time we got to Juhu temple, the deities were taking Their afternoon rest, but they did have a Govinda’s restaurant! All you can eat for about $2.50 USD. It was AMAZING and, for dessert, they had homemade mango kulfi (similar to sherbert), which had to be tasted to be believed!!!

Above: ISKCON Juhu temple in Mumbai.

When we did finish eating, we went to the beach that was near the temple. What a difference from the beautiful beach in Puri! There was litter everywhere and the water was polluted. No one swam there. It was the saddest sight that I saw on this trip. I understand that it’s gotten somewhat better since I was there, but there’s still a long way to go.

Above four pictures: The incredibly sad and polluted beach by ISKCON Juhu in Mumbai.

We then had to get back to Poonam’s aunt’s apartment, which took forever due to the traffic. By the time we got there, it was dark. We ate and then I rested for a few hours before being driven to the airport. Saying goodbye to Poonam and her family was difficult, but I was so grateful for all of the amazing sights I had seen! I gave Poonam a big hug and I was off.

The flight back was uneventful, which is exactly how I like my flights! Poonam’s mom had given me some things to drop off with Poonam’s father on my way home from the Atlanta airport.

I got to their house, knocked on the door, and was let in by a devotee who was there building a new altar for the Mahtani’s deities. Poonam’s father, Shyam prabhu, was in the kitchen. I brought in the items and he said, “You can put them on the table.” That was it. I tried to speak to him, but he was so cold and distant that I politely excused myself and drove the rest of the way home. It was great to see all of my animals when I got home! I was fortunate to have a friend who stayed at my place and took care of all of my animals. Still, being gone for two weeks, my place needed some work! I had one day before returning to work. It was spent doing laundry and cleaning the house!

Poonam returned a couple of weeks later. I was dying to see her and recap the trip and everything that happened! I called her to make plans on seeing her at the temple. I’ll never forget how weird she sounded on the phone. She said that she was a little overwhelmed by the trip and that she hoped that I would understand if she asked for a little space. I found this incredibly strange. I asked her what was going on. She started crying and asked me to please not be mad or take offense. That meant that whatever was coming was going to be offensive and make me mad.

She said, “Remember that lunch when you told my mom and aunt that you were in a relationship with a woman? Well, my mom told my dad and...he didn’t take it very well.” I immediately knew where this was going. I asked her point-blank, “Does he think that I would try something with you?” Her pause spoke volumes. She begged me to not be mad and to just give it some time and she was sure it would blow over. I basically yelled back, “You think it’s going to blow over that your dad thinks that a 49 year old woman is going to hit on his 17 year old daughter!!!???” We were both crying and she then said that it would be best if I didn’t go near her at the temple. I was crushed.

Immediately, I was cut off from Poonam’s family. I couldn’t call her, talk to her, approach anyone in the family, dance with her in the temple….nothing. The person who had changed my life so drastically in a three week period less than two years before, who had me call her each morning to read a Bhagavad Gita verse before she got up for school, who I considered a guru to me because EVERY SINGLE TIME I was with her she would teach me was now off-limits to me. Honestly, I felt like getting a bottle of vodka.

Next time: Almost leaving the temple, the Festival of the Holy Name, and how my mom helped.

Above: The beautiful Krsna-Balarama dieties at New Raman Reti (Alachua, FL).

I was devastated! I honestly wanted to stop going to the temple because it was just too painful. There was Poonam and her family and I couldn’t talk to her or dance with her or take prasadam with her. Every time I saw her, I just wanted to cry. I called Balabhadra prabhu and told him that I wouldn’t be coming to the temple anymore. He responded in an extremely firm voice, “No!!! You are not going to let the ignorance of one person keep you from serving your Guru Maharaj, Srila Prabhupada, and the devotees. I want you to read something. It’s from the Srimad Bhagavatam.” He then gave me this text: First of all, I had never seen any spiritual/religious text that talked about changing genders, so my mind was immediately blown. Turns out the Vedic literatures have quite a few examples of gender changing. Balabhadra assured me that everything would work out, so I promised that I would continue to come on Sundays.

Poonam started her freshman year at Georgia Tech and was living in a dorm. This allowed us to speak on the phone. I would also go down to have dinner with her and hang out. Of course, all of this was done on the down-low! Poonam liked my cooking, so I would prepare things for her and bring them to the temple. At the time, she was teaching Sunday School and, when Gaura Arati was over and they were preparing for the weekly lecture, she would take the students out the back door of the temple while I would go out the front door. We’d meet at my car and I’d give her the food I had prepared. I remember saying on more than one occasion, “Someday we had better be able to laugh about this because this is freakin’ ridiculous!!!”

This went on the rest of August, all of September, and into November. On Thanksgiving weekend, the Alachua, FL temple (New Raman Reti) hosts a wonderful kirtan festival called The Festival of the Holy Name. It goes for 12 hours on Friday (10am to 10pm) and 12 hours on Saturday. Some of the best kirtaneers in the world attend and there are usually 500 or so attendees. It’s a really wonderful weekend. I had volunteered to rent a van and drive a group of devotees to the festival. I had my reservations because my mom had been having a particularly rough time as of late and I was very hesitant about leaving her alone. After all, she was 91 now. However, my sister (who lives 30 minutes away from me, but we have almost no contact) and I spoke and she agreed to check in on Mom daily. Mom insisted that I go, so that’s what I did. I drove 9 devotees from the Atlanta temple to the Alachua temple. We got down there around lunch time on Friday. The kirtans had already begun.

I knew that Poonam and her family would be there and nothing had changed on that front. Her father continued to ignore me and Poonam was still forbidden from associating with me. By this time, I had found out a bit more about what happened when she returned home from India. The devotee who was building the altar for her family was there when she got home and he told me that Poonam’s father “gave her hell!|”. He told me that her dad was yelling at the top of his lungs asking “How could you bring THAT into our home?!” among many other horrible things. I felt horrible that Poonam had to go through that and I won’t lie, I lost all respect for her dad.

Many Atlanta devotees attended this festival and I also knew a lot of the Florida devotees so this was a lot like a big family reunion! The prasadam that was prepared was delicious, the kirtans alternated between being introspective and personal to wild, celebrations! It was awesome. I’ve always loved the Alachua temple. It’s the largest devotee community in the USA with between 1500 and 2000 devotees living in the area. The deities are gorgeous and the temple is also a farm community, so there’s a cow protection program, huge garden where they grow a lot of their own vegetables, a gurukula (school) for K through 6th grade, and a lot of room to walk around. It’s really nice.

Above: One of the days early kirtans.

That evening I called Ma to see how she was doing. She told me that she had had a very nice visit with my sister and brother-in-law and they had brought her some Chinese food for lunch, which she liked very much. She was in great spirits, but said that she was hurting a lot (my mom had very bad arthritis) and that she thought she would eat dinner in bed (the one place she didn’t hurt). I said, “Ma, you’re 91 years old. You do whatever the hell you want to do!” I told her that I’d give her a call in the morning and we exchanged I love you’s. That night, as the kirtan was going on under the big tent, I ran into Poonam’s mom and asked to speak with her. We sat down on a bench and I told her I hurt I was that Poonam’s dad could possibly think the things he did about me. I started crying telling her how much I missed Poonam and the entire family and that I just didn’t know how much more of this I could take. She listened and said that I had to give it more time and that, maybe, her father might come around….eventually. Yeah. That didn’t help me out a whole lot.

The next morning after Mangala Arati (which goes from 4:30am until after the lecture at about 9am, with a couple of hours for chanting in there) I called Ma, but there was no answer. My first thought was that she might be in the bathroom. I called back. No answer. Next thought was that she had fallen down, so I called my neighbor who had a house key and asked him to go check on her. He called me back and said, “I hate to be the one to tell you, but I think she’s dead.” I immediately got off the phone with him and called my sister. I begged her to get over there ASAP and let me know what was going on.

After I hung up with my sister, Poonam’s mom was the first person to see me. I must have had a shocked look on my face because she came up and asked me what was wrong. I said, “My mom’s dead.” She turned and called to Poonam’s dad, who was nearby. He came up and she told him that my mother had died. Now remember, Shyam prabhu had not spoken to me since mid-July. It was now the Saturday after Thanksgiving. He looked at me and said, “Do you need to go home.” I told him that I had driven 9 devotees there in a van and I couldn’t ask them to leave. He said, “If you need to go, take my car and I’ll get the van back.” I thanked him and told him that I’d let him know after I spoke to my sister and the coroner. As I walked away I thought, “What the hell just happened?”

Above: Lord Jaganatha (R), Lord Baladeva (L), and Lady Subhadra overseeing things in the kirtan tent.

Word spreads quickly in a small devotee community and it didn’t take long for people to start coming up and offering their condolences and prayers. I spoke to the temple president and they did an offering to the deities on my mom’s behalf. I was on the phone a lot with Balabhadra prabhu, my sister, and the coroner of White County Georgia. He said, “Unless you want an autopsy, I think I can wrap this up right now.” Incredulously, I replied, “An autopsy!!!??? She was 91!!!” This is what he suspects happened. My mom did take her dinner to bed. However, she went back out to the kitchen. I think that she probably forgot her cookies. Ma LOVED a couple of cookies after a meal. Upon re-entering her room, the coroner suspects that she had a massive heart attack and was gone before she ever hit the floor. When I asked how he could be so sure, he said that she had hit her head on her walker and there was blood on the rug, but if her heart had still been beating, there would have been MUCH more blood than they found. My mom got what she always go quickly.

I asked the coroner if he would mind holding her body until I could see her on Monday. I told him that I was a Hare Krsna devotee and there were a couple of things that I needed to do before she was cremated. We put a Tulasi leaf and some water from the Ganges into the deceased’s mouth. He agreed and my sister said that there was nothing else to do there since the case was closed, so I decided to stay at the festival where I was surrounded by people who loved me and had loved my mom. She used to visit the temple whenever she felt up to it and loved the devotees very much (especially Balabhadra). She had been to several home programs as well and the devotees always treated her with a lot of love and respect. They would often tell me what a pious woman Mom was. In the Vedic culture, that’s a very nice compliment.

Above two pics: The nighttime kirtans can take on a life of their own. :-)

So I sang and danced and celebrated my mom’s life with my fellow devotees. That night, the last kirtan was being led by Madhava prabhu. He’s known all over the world for his skills at leading kirtans. He did a melody that had a reggae flavor to it. Here’s a link to the actual kirtan from that night: I was sitting about 30 feet away from Poonam. I looked over and saw her looking at me. She motioned for me to come over. I pointed to her dad, who was sitting straight across from her (traditionally, men sit on one side and women on the other), but she just motioned more vigorously for me to join her. I stood up and walked over to her. She smiled, gave me a big hug, and we started dancing. It was the first time since July. Yeah...I’ve got tears in my eyes while I’m writing this. I had missed this SO MUCH! We sang and danced and cried and celebrated my mom...and her dad didn’t seem to mind.

It was the beginning of the end of my shunning. My mom, who always saw the best in everyone and who loved unconditionally, had started the healing process. It was her final gift to me. That’s just so Ma!!!

Let's go to India for the weekend! -- Posted March 20, 2021

Above: Sri Sri Radha Madhav in Mayapur, India

I drove the van full of devotees back to the Atlanta temple Sunday morning as the festival concluded, returned the van, and drove home. I immediately went to Mom’s room and saw the bloodstain on the rug. I knew that I had to go see her in the morning and I spent that afternoon and evening preparing myself AND making preparations to take her ashes to India for a funeral ceremony on the banks of the Ganges in Mayapur.

Three weeks before she left her body, Ma asked me to make a change to her will, so while I was doing that, I noticed a question about where the ashes were to be deposited. Mom had always wanted to be cremated, but she had never told me about the disposition of the ashes. I called out to her, “Hey Ma! What do you want me to do with your ashes once you’re gone?” In typical Ma fashion, she said, “I don’t care. Just throw me in the backyard. That will be fine!” So I told her about the ceremony that I had heard about that was done at the Ganges and asked if she would mind if I took her there. She was fine with that, had me put it in the will, we had it notarized, and 3 weeks later she left her body!

Poonam’s father, Shyam prabhu, emailed me information about who I needed to contact at the ISKCON Mayapur temple to organize the ceremony for Mom. When I responded, I did tell him how hurt I was that he could have thought such things about me. His only response was that he “had to do what I thought best for my family”. So be it. I knew I’d never get an apology.

A senior god-brother of mine worked for Delta airlines and offered to get me a “buddy pass”, which saved about $400.00 on the round-trip ticket. I was most grateful. His brother, who I had met during my trip to Panihati back in July, would meet me at the airport in Kolkata and arrange for a taxi to take me to Mayapur.

My flight left Atlanta at 9pm on Wednesday, Dec. 7, 2011. I would fly from Atlanta to Dubai, Dubai to Mumbai, and Mumbai to Kolkata arriving around 7am on Friday the 9th. You lose 9.5 hours flying to India from Atlanta and it’s about 17 hours of flight time plus and layovers between flights.

Whenever I book tickets for international travel, I like to leave a LOT of time for connections. My god-brother...not so much. Never have I felt so anxious and rushed on a trip! Dubai wasn’t so bad, but when you get to Mumbai, the international and the domestic airports are next to each other and you have to take a shuttle from one to the other. By the time we landed, there was only about 45 minutes until my Mumbai to Kolkata flight departed...AND THERE WAS NO SHUTTLE!!! It was around 5am and the airport was deserted. By the time they finally got us to the domestic airport, I was panicking! Time was running out to make my flight. I ran the entire way through the airport and, when I finally got to the gate, they stopped me and said that the door had closed and I couldn’t get on. Completely exasperated (and trying to catch my breath) I said, “But what about my luggage?!”. They told me that it would be taken off the plane and that I could pick it up at the baggage terminal. If they had time to get my luggage off, why didn’t they have time to let me on!!!!???? I was pissed!

Dejectedly, I waited on my luggage, then I had to wait for the domestic airlines ticket booths to open to see about getting another flight to Kolkata. When they finally did, the next flight would be nine hours later! Now then, Laxmanrama prabhu’s brother was supposed to meet me at 10am at the Kolkata airport. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen. I had to find a phone that I could borrow or pay for to use to call him to let him know. After a bit of asking and searching, I found one. I explained the situation and told him it would now be about 7pm before I arrived. He assured me that it was ok and that he would be there. So I settled down and spent the day chanting and reading. There was nothing else to do. There are worse ways to spend the day. :-)

I finally boarded the flight and made it to Kolkata. After collecting my luggage, I made my way to the main entrance to try to find my ride. As most of you know, India is quite crowded (over 1 billion people) and the main entrance to a major city’s airport in India is absolutely CRAZY!!! After walking around and not finding him (we had met a few months early, so we did know what each other looked like), I decided to try calling. Once again, I had to go around looking for a phone to use. Finally got one, called prabhu, and we were able to meet! It was now about 9pm. Remember, I left Atlanta at 9pm on Wednesday. It was now 9pm on Friday! I didn’t look my best, to say the least!

As we were driving, even though it was dark, I seemed to recognize some things. After awhile I realized that we were going to Laxman prabhu’s house in Panihati, India, where I had stayed with Poonam and her family in July. In case you don’t know, in Indian culture, if you’re a’re going to be fed! By the time we got to the house it was after 10pm. Prabhu’s entire family waited up to greet me. They had eaten hours earlier, but all sat there watching me eat! Before eating, I was able to clean up, which was most needed! After eating, as I was beginning to digest the delicious meal I had just eaten, prabhu said, “Ok, mataji. The driver will take you to Mayapur now.” “Now!!!???”, I asked incredulously? He explained that it would cost much more to reschedule the driver for the next day, so around 11pm I got in a taxi to make the 3+ hour drive to Mayapur!

I was exhausted and kept nodding off. As we got closer, I asked the driver if I could use his phone. I had a contact at the ISKCON complex and needed to know where I was to go once we arrived. It was after 1am on Saturday morning now. I called my friend, Madhurya and, after several calls, woke her from a deep sleep. After profusely apologizing, I explained what had happened and asked what I could do since I knew the complex was closed and locked up. She said that she would call the guard house and let them know I was coming. Then, I was to go to the Gada Bhavan Guest House (where I had that lovely experience back in July) and the security guard there would have my room key and I could settle up with the front desk when they opened. I thanked her and went back to nodding off until we finally got the gate was locked and there was no guard there. The taxi driver, in his very broken English, made it clear that he would not be waiting around. I called and woke Madhurya a second time. She said, “No. The OTHER guardhouse.” More profuse apologizing followed and we were able to get in. The driver dropped me off and I was able to find the security guard at the guest house. I got into my room at 2:30am Saturday morning and had been going non-stop since 9pm Wednesday night. I was exhausted!

Above: The Pancha Tattva deities in Mayapur, India.

I still had to find Jananivasa prabhu (the head priest in Mayapur) to arrange Mom’s funeral ceremony, but I had to get a few hours sleep. I set my alarm for 6am. I got up, showered, dressed, and walked over to the temple not really knowing where to go to find Jananivasa prabhu. Here’s where I got some divine help. As I entered the temple, the first devotee I saw was a young woman named Tulasirani devi dasi. Though we had never met, I had been in Alachua, FL for the installation of their Krsna-Balarama deities. It was a big deal and a full weekend celebration. Part of the celebration was an initiation ceremony and I saw Tulasirani take her vows. Now, so many months later, I see her in Mayapur. I called out her name. She looked at me, smiled, and said, “I know you from somewhere.” I recapped how we had seen each other several times, but had never met and told her why I was there and that I needed to find Jananivas prabhu, but didn’t know where to look. She pointed and said, “He’s right there.” He was standing no more than 15 feet from us. I thanked her and went over to speak with the head priest of Mayapur. I introduced myself and told him why I had come and asked if he could help. He assured me that he would arrange everything and would contact me later with the details. I told him where I was staying, thanked him, and took darshan of the amazing deities in the Mayapur temple. After that, I found some breakfast prasadam and then tried to find my friends who lived in Mayapur. I managed to find Madhavi Kirti, her (then) husband, and their beautiful daughter, Subhadra. We had a joyous reunion! She told me that I had come on a special day and that there was going to be an elephant procession that evening! The small deities of Radharani and Krishna are placed atop one of the elephants and they go all around the ISKCON complex. She told me where and when to meet them and I went to my room for a much needed nap! When I got there, there was a note from Jananivas prabhu telling me to meet in the temple garden at 12 noon Sunday for the ceremony. He had told me when we met, that he no longer did the ceremony, but had trained another priest to do it.

Above: My Guru Maharaja arriving for the Elephant Procession.

Above: Beautiful artwork decorated the streets of the ISKCON complex.

Above: Damodara prabhu, Subhadra, and Madhavi Kirti

Above pics are from the Elephant Procession. It was a very festive night!

When I awoke, I got cleaned up and went over to the temple. A big parade was beginning to form. There were two elephants, dancers, monks reciting mantras, and lots and lots of devotees! I found Madhavi Kirti and her family and told her about the ceremony the next day. I asked if they would come. She agreed and we then enjoyed the procession! The deities looked amazing atop the elephant and the streets of the complex had been decorated with lots of beautiful artwork. It was an amazing celebration and I’m so happy that I got to be a part of it. When we finally got back to the temple, Madhavi Kirti said, “There’s Guru Maharaja (GM). Come on!” She grabbed my hand, pulled me right up to my GM, and said, “Guru Maharaja. Shanti Keshavi’s mother just left her body and she brought the ashes for a ceremony at Mother Ganga.” I paid my obeisances and, when I got up, he looked at me and asked me if my mom had been a devotee. I told him that she was a Christian (Lutheran), but a very pious woman who had visited the Atlanta temple numerous times and loved visiting with the devotees. He then said, “You know that by doing this for your mother, there is a very good chance that she will return to the spiritual world.” He then took off the HUGE garland that he was wearing and put it around my neck. It was a big deal!!!! I thanked him and Madhavi Kirti and went to my room for a good night’s sleep!

Above: The garland my Guru Maharaja gave me.

I woke up Sunday morning at 3:30am to get ready to go to Mangala Arati, which is the first service done every day at 4:30am. It’s really sweet and I always enjoy it. I didn’t mention how nice the weather was this time around! Back in July, the humidity and heat were completely overwhelming, but now, the weekend of December 10th and 11th, the highs were in the low 70’s and the lows were in the mid 50’s. Pretty near perfect as far as I’m concerned! After Mangala Arati and chanting and Bhagavad Gita class, and breakfast prasadam, it was about time to get ready for the ceremony. I showered again, put on a clean sari, and took Mom’s ashes with me to the garden of the temple. It had been made very clear that the ashes were not to enter the temple. That was considered very inauspicious.

I waited until I saw an Indian devotee walking up to me. He was Bengali and was the priest who would do the ceremony. About the same time Madhavi Kirti’s husband and daughter arrive. Damodara prabhu said that Madhavi Kirti had to work and would not be able to join us. The four of us made our way out of the complex and over to Prabhupada Ghat, which was where we would do the ceremony. Much to my surprise, Jananivas prabhu was waiting for us when we got there. He just smiled and said that he wanted to make sure everything went well. I was most grateful to him! I was instructed to go into the Ganges and completely submerge myself three times in a cleansing ritual. Even though the weather was lovely, the water was a bit on the cold side!!! However, if doing this for Mom meant a little discomfort, so be it. Besides, it couldn’t be any worse than the flight over, right!? :-)

After my thrice dunking, we began the ceremony. Damodar prabhu took all of the pictures and videos that are in this post and he managed to do that while looking after a very cranky Subhadra who really didn’t want to be there. I’ll always be grateful to him for doing this for me. The ceremony involved a lot of me repeating prayers in Bengali. I don’t speak Bengali and I’m sure if any audio of my repeating were available I would be charged with murdering the Bengali language! I did my best, which is all one can do. Many, many prayers were said asking Mother Ganga to please accept my mom’s ashes and help carry her to the spiritual world. We offered a plate of prasadam that had been offered to Lord Nrsimhadeva (Krishna’s half-man, half-lion form who protects us all) and it was explained to me that this was an “insurance policy”. If Mom did not make it back to the spiritual world and did have to take another birth in the material world, this offering ensured that she would return to the spiritual world after her next life.

Above: You can actually hear me destroying the Bengali language in this video. :-)

Then the time came to place Mom’s ashes in a clay pot. On top of the ashes we added so many things...honey, yogurt, flowers, scented water, purified cow urine, and others….a prayer was said after each addition. Finally, the priest told me to say the Maha Mantra (Hare Krsna, Hare Krsna, Krishna Krsna, Hare Hare, Hare Rama, Hare Rama, Rama Rama, Hare Hare) three times and then toss the pot into Mother Ganga. I asked, “The whole thing?” and he replied, “Yes.”. This will become important shortly...I promise.

After this was done, more prayers were recited. Then the priest pulled out a brass urn and, again, we put so many things into it and said prayers after each item was added. He then said to me, “Now toss it into Mother Ganga.” Again, I asked, “The whole thing?” and he replied, “Yes.”. I threw the entire urn into Mother Ganga and he looked at me, turned to Jananivasa prabhu, and said, “She threw the urn in!”. I said, “You told me to throw everything in!” He had meant for me to throw the CONTENTS of the urn in. He started diving into Mother Ganga looking for the urn! He found it on his second try. We all had a really good laugh over it and it broke the seriousness of it all. I’m sure Mom had something to do with that! :-)